Years ago, when I started dealing with my co-dependency issue, it was suggested I went to a psychiatrist to prescribe me happy pills. I felt insulted and dealt with my issue only going to therapy. I am having second thoughts about those happy pills… What if I do need them? What if I too, suffer from manic depression?
Very dark thoughts come to mind and the more I think about it, the more I realize: I have felt this before. I have a heaviness in my chest and do not want to see or talk to anyone. I have no desire of achieving anything… I am truly depressed.
According to WebMD, depression in women “is a serious and pervasive mood disorder. It causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Depression can be mild to moderate with symptoms of apathy, little appetite, difficulty sleeping, low self-esteem, and low-grade fatigue. Or it can be more severe.”
It goes on to explain the symptoms:
- Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
- Restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
- Sleeping too much or too little, early-morning waking
- Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
- Decreased energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
- Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
- Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
I feel compelled to add that mental illnesses/disorders were not accurately diagnosed in previous generations. Topics like depression, bipolar disorder, mania… are just now beginning to let us in their world. For all you know, there may be a really long history of bipolar disorder in your family and not even know it…
In my case, my mother was diagnosed with manic depression back in her 30s but has never been medicated. I really believe that is the root of all evil, so to speak.
My mother has suffered her whole life with communication issues, depression, mood swings, not thinking clearly, and just not making sense sometimes. Now at 75, we could possibly blame it on the combination of her disorder and a possible beginning stage of dementia or at the best case scenario, old age.
Why am I talking about this? I have not been diagnosed and I am terrified of going to a shrink. Like the good Hispanic I am, I do not go to the doctor unless I am seriously ill… Depression is seen and treated as a sign of weakness in my culture and even though I am much of a loner and a hermit and do not really care what people think, I am my own worse enemy.
Mental disorders are very hard to diagnose and treat… It could be a learned behavior coming from my alcoholic household where my manic depressive mother resided?
Whichever way, I find myself meeting a lot of the signs the article described. I have loving people who I know care but I do not let in my world.
There are a lot of things to be thankful for but feeling depressed is not a feeling you can control. It will not let you eat, sleep, talk to your loved ones, work, study, drive, or hug your children. It will make you question the meaning of life and the reasons for you being alive…
Thank you for reading and buenas noches,
Wen