According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the medical definition of codependency is:

“a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (as an addiction to alcohol or heroin); broadly : dependence on the needs of or control by another.” 

The noun means:
“An extreme dependency by one person on another who is suffering from an addiction. Common characteristics include low self-esteemcoupled with a high need for approval. Not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, codependency is a psychological syndrome noted in relatives or partners of alcoholics or substance abusers.”

In Science Daily it says that codependents have this “obsessive over-analyzing behavior. The mind goes round and round in circles until the emotional system either explodes or shuts down as a result of the overwhelming anxiety that is generated. Another emotional habit typical of codependents is exaggerating or “awfulizing”. Children who have grown up in addictive or traumatized family systems learn to expect the worst. They are constantly waiting for the other shoe to fall. In adulthood, they are prone to place the worst possible interpretation on every event. They see neutral or even positive situations as negative, and they anticipate disaster.” 

…This made so much sense to me, since my motto has always been “expect the best, yet get ready for the worst”.

In the book Codependent No More, Melodie Beattie explains what it means to be codependent and gives several examples about several cases of women (and men) who are codependent and how to deal with it.

I too, am codependent. My counselor suggested I gave this book a try and since I drive over a hour every day, I decided to check it out from my local library on CD format.
While I learned much about it and found that a lot of the tendencies I have and did not understand weren’t unique to the world, I have yet to break free from codependency.

Having been involved with a drug addict for years and giving up many things for him, only to find out he left me behind and broke every promise he ever made to my son and I, I still struggle to find meaning and strength in my life.

I bury myself in my work: interpreting, translating, working on weekends, making jewelry, helping my kid with his HW… But a part of me died when I realized that no matter how many things he promised me, he would never deliver.

It is a horrible feeling to be disappointed in somebody. Somebody who you loved and trusted with your life.
I had never been involved with anyone who had an addiction before: my son’s father drank but it was social drinking… However, this guy’s habit is serious. He even fought overseas twice and I remember him getting high right before boarding the plane. The Army knew about it, yet they deployed him anyway.

The point isn’t him, his family, the Army, or the lies under which he managed to get VA benefits for life… But rather how do I pick up the pieces and move on. As soon as he left my side, he started shooting up. Perhaps even before he left.
Going from pain killers to heroin doesn’t seem to be that hard, especially when you’re strapped for cash. They even prosecuted him for possession and sale of narcotics not long ago: he’s so sheltered that he got away with probation for three years.
It’s been two long years since he’s left my side and I still feel lost.

…I gave my heart to an addict. I’m trying to pull myself back together but can’t seem to do it.

On Nov. 2011 I lost a dear friend to his own demons. He shot himself in the head. He had a long history of depression and drug addiction. He was the kind of guy who listened to everyone and gave everyone advice but barely anyone was there for him.
I feel guilty because the last few times I saw him alive, he was under the influence and I couldn’t connect with him very well.

A few hours after I had talked to him, he finally gave up and shot himself. We went to his service…
I wonder if my ex-boyfriend will have the same fate one day. I hope not, for his own sake. I will probably feel guilty for that too, if that were to ever happen.

I will continue to pray for him, his family, myself, and mine. One day the Heavens will shine down upon him and free him (and me) from that burden.

Thanks for reading & buenas noches,

-Wen